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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

What I want in a Man or Metro-Sexuals need not apply

First, and please do not fail to take note of this,  he has to be a man.  I hope not to offend all those feminists out there, who worked so hard to be treated like men themselves.  But I did not sign up, and I do not want to JOIN in, so count me out.

This metro-sexual phenom has me flummoxed.  I have a friend.  He just spent a bunch of money... on a duvet cover.  He is straight, I swear he swears he's straight.  I want a guy that does not even understand a duvet cover.  My guy will say "What the f**k is a duvet?"  When I get a duvet cover he'll say "Hey, sweetie, that's nice." but no Bed, Bath and Beyond shopping for him.  Not even on the week-ends.

A man.  Not a boy.  Certainly not a little boy with a dopey  "are you my mommy?" thing.  Why do guys like this not understand that women don't want to sleep with their teenage sons?  If you are gonna whine and demand to be mothered all the time, please don't apply.  Because I'd like to be with a man I can have sex with.  You know, and not want to puke.  Having sex with a guy that you also have to parent?  Makes me want to puke.

A brain would be nice.  The ability to comprehend things in the abstract. 

I want a guy that will order for me, not to be in charge but because he knows what I like.  Kiss me without asking permission.  Also because he knows what I like.  A guy that will stand back a little and know that other guys think I'm hot, look at my ass, think about me.  A guy that is totally OK with that because he understands me.  I am not a player, I don't screw around.  This guy, he just feels bad for those other guys cause he knows when I picked him I meant it.

Lets see.  How about a guy that brushes his teeth?  That would be super special. 

I'd like a man that does man stuff.  Like mowing.  I'd like a man that won't sit on his ass and watch me fight with the lawn mower, watch me try to start it, watch me shove it around.  How about a man that CAN'T sit on his ass and watch that.  A man that thinks watching a woman mow is a freaking crime against nature.  That is what I want.  Too much?


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