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Friday, September 03, 2004

Evil Shower Moments

What is it with me and the shower? Something womblike and warm. Maybe.

Stood in there today and just cried. And I can not even figure out why I am crying. I am mood-swing-city again, but JEEZE... that hardly surprises you anymore, does it?

I have some concepts at war in my brain. One is the idea that neediness is bad. The other is the idea that neediness is not bad, its just a matter of fact to the human condition. But neither one of these ideas is superior to the other. So they are in constant conflict. Do I banish the neediness? Do I banish the need of people who can not be needed by me? CRAP. I think I ought to banish something, damn it.

I had a truly irreconcilable reunion with jackass. It was all of the good parts and all of the bad parts, keeping me in this realm of 50/50-ness that is so freaking bad for me.

He called me. He's not supposed to do that. But how mad can I be? After all, if I didn't answer or just said "Hello, rule breaker, don't call me." then that would be that. How reasonable is it to try to make him be responsible for me? Not very. But on the other hand, HEY, shouldn't he at least try not to get to me like that? Again, tho, putting it on him...

And in his illicit call... he tells me that I'm gonna have to start going to the donut shop with him again. WHY? Because that is a little bit of me that he wants. And, slap me with a splintered ruler, I want to give it up. What's wrong with just walking to the donut shop? Absolutely no possibility that we'll just drop in the middle of the street and screw like bunnies, now, is there? So, what's the big deal after all?

But in the shower I am thinking I'll just TRADE him something that he wants for something that I want. It'll go like this:

"Penny, you're gonna have to start going to the donut shop with me some time."

"Sure, I will. But only if you'll squish me."

"OK. I'll squish you on Mondays. Donut shop three days a week."

"Nope, one squish for one donut shop escort. No negotiations. If you don't like it, give up donuts."

"Aw, crap, Penny. If I squish you then I'm gonna want to put my hands in your pants."

"Well, fine. But only in the back, over the panties, no cheating."

"Do you have any idea how hot your ass looks in those pants?"

"Wanna skip the donut shop and just get a room?"


Game over.


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