FIREFOX Users! I have no idea why the colors get weird and I am saddly too stupid to change it. Don't strain yourself... Just ask someone who CAN read it to translate it for you!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Girl of Interest Reprise!

two two two.

I just had a look at my profile views and its astounding. 222. WOW.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I can count some of my friends among them. I have a voice that is easy to recognize, I think. Scooter will know me for sure, when he comes round cyber-tailing me. Cyber spying like a sneaky peaky child, too immature to know that he only hurts himself.

But yesterday I had a strange moment. Jackass and I are engaged in an activity that I am enjoying completely... NO DETAILS HERE but I will say that it is something which one does in front of others and with clothes on. I swear. Fully clothed. (sigh)

Anyway, this activity needed naming. We are a team. We are doing this together. So, we're throwing out name ideas. He likes Latin. I don't blame him. Latin is cool. It has a certain "I'm smarter than you'll ever be" quality that makes it attractive. But it also lacks, many times, a musical quality that I enjoy and it lacks certain alliterations. I LOVE alliterations. Alliterations are absolutely artful.

So, we're kicking around names for this thing that were doing. Frolic & Detour (mine) is high on the list. lex coupled with a few different things. (Penny says "Lex Luther!" and jackass says "I'm being serious.") How 'bout this? How 'bout that? Quid Pro Quo? No way, too unoriginal. Then he says this:

"alter ego?"

um. I know this could just be a coincidence. That he would toss out a name which I have chosen for my super secret blog. If he'd thrown in catharsis (LEX CATHARSIS! That is pretty good...) I'd have known for sure. But he just said alter ego. That is something that he might have just offered, just cause. Or maybe its a hint that he's been here and knows my secret places.

Now the time has come to decide if it matters... and I think not. It's not as though he dug through my underwear drawer, found my diary, (I found her diary underneath the tree, and started reading about me, the words she'd written took me by surprise, I'd never seen them in her eyes...) jimmied the lock and broke into my thoughts. It is here where 222 of you were able to just walk right inside and have a look. There is so much of him in here that how could he resist reading and finding out what I say in my super secret heart of hearts. The fact that there is so much anger to go with the angst? (Oh, another good name Anger & Angst... maybe I'll change my blog name) Well, that's just a fact like all other facts. Its just the truth.

What worries me, though, and here it is RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, is the idea that wondering if he will read what I write will change what I write. Is all the utility of my super secret blog gone when I edit with scooter and jackass and J in mind? (J, baby, you have always been permitted)

I guess that remains to be seen. I know that if he came looking for me he would recognize me the second the page loaded. He recognizes my name, and my voice, and my feet... I think I'll just ask him tonight. Then I'll know.

Meanwhile, here is what I have to say publicly:

scooter - I love you. Please grow up and quit being a jerk.

jackass - I love you.

J (cute J) - I love you. Don't make me break up with you. Ever.

This has been a really strange post ~ I'm Bad Penny


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