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Sunday, September 19, 2004

Punctuation Humor

It is a whole slew of things that bring me to my new idea... I don't want to start crediting anyone for anything. So, I will say this;

There were others involved in the evolution of this idea but I now reject them, disregard them and move on as though they never existed. They are the little people. I trod on them.

On with the story. I propose a new punctuation mark. The Sarcasm Mark. It'll work like quotation marks to indicate that a word, series of words, or an entire sentence should be read with a sarcastic inflection. For instance, should we have a conversation about your new pants it'll go like this:

you "Hey, Penny! Check out these rad pants!"

penny "Wow."

you "Don't I look swell in my plaid checked duffer slacks?"

penny "**Oh sure you do.**" (Notice the addition of a new type of punctuation here)

you "Do you think they make my ass look big?"

penny "** Not at ALL. You should wear them everywhere.**"

Do you see the utility of this new punctuation? It is BRILLIANT. A pure stroke of evil genius.

So naturally I am telling people about it. I tell J. He says, and I quote "**Good Idea.**" Ah. Impaled on the horns of my own punctuation mark.

I tell jackass. He thinks that sarcasm is only funny when he and I get it but no one else does. The addition of the sarcasm mark will only interfere with our superiority by letting others in on the joke. "When they don't get it, that's the funny part. You'll ruin it. STOP."

I am now 0 for 2.

Yesterday I am driving with number one daughter. She is hostage in my moving car. So I am regaling her with stories about my punctuation plans.

penny/mom "Would it not be a really cool thing to be known as the creator of an entirely new type of punctuation?"

#1 "Sure mom. Whatever you say. Watchout for that truck."

penny/mom "I don't know if it should be asterisks, that gets a little busy with the quotes! Or maybe those less than greater than symbols..." (like this: <>)

#1 "Um Ok mom. Shouldn't we have turned there?"

penny/mom "Oh my GOSH! This is an even better idea. The HYPERBOLE mark. I'm a genius!!"

#1 (Stunned silence. This means YES, mom, you're a genius.)

penny/mom "Actually, I think that the use of 6 exclamation marks is technically a hyperbole mark. Drat."

#1 (Actual, honest and loud laughing. Genuine 'hey that's funny' laughter)

penny/mom "You were worried about being a freak before... Now you're laughing at Punctuation Humor! You're a dork, Number One, just like your mother."

#1 "Now I'll have to throw myself off the roof!!!!!!"

I did edit this conversation for publication.

This has been a punctuation update ~ I'm Bad Penny


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