FIREFOX Users! I have no idea why the colors get weird and I am saddly too stupid to change it. Don't strain yourself... Just ask someone who CAN read it to translate it for you!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Speculation Consternation

Meet a new member of the Bad Penny Cast: Miss Kitty. Ms. K is my best girly friend, in all important girly friend ways. Recently she packed up and moved -- She is the reason I must now brave the Highway of DEATH -- away. So she made some new friends. (Of course I would never suggest that Bad Penny is replaceable, so these new friends were pale substitutes at best.) I was glad for her. It's hard to move and feel isolated. And nice to have lots of friends.

But somethings gone dreadfully wrong and Ms. K has no idea what.

Another friend of mine and I were discussing our daughters and observed the age old FACT that girls are mean! We were both "Best-Guy-Friend" girls, neither one hanging out with other girls too much. Her daughter seems to be the same type. My Number Two daughter is not. She's a girls-girl and recently had her first mean girls experience which left her wanting to move far, far away because "My friends aren't my friends anymore!" The idea that this is a temporary condition was suggested and I said "But it just happened to Ms. K." and she's a grown woman!

My darling, wonderful, sweet and good Ms. K has been summarily dismissed as a friend with out explanation... left with nothing to explain it but speculation. I am here to tell you kids, SPECULATION** SUCKS.

I am also recently dropped head first into a vat of speculation. I'm no good at it. I always speculate the absolute worst thing. Then I tell myself "That's silly! Give this the benefit of the doubt" ... but the worst possible thing thing creeps back in. Which is why its nice to just be told something, anything. To be provided with an explanation.

Pick one! I'm not your friend any more because:

You smell bad.
I hate that my husband is always looking at your ass.
My girlfriend hates you and I like her better.
You said a terrible thing and I can't forgive you.
You stold a hundred bucks from me.
I'm afraid to care more because then you could hurt me.
You chew with your mouth open.

There's a reason. Pick one.

But even in the absence of a reason I began to wonder about the nature of friendship; the nature of love. Is it really all about what you do for me? Is it all reciprocity and score keeping? Or is it some thing more than that, something outside ourselves?

And, at least for now, I decided that friendship and love are gifts. They are not given with the expectation of getting something back. They're gifts. And just like I am not one of those girls that takes everything I ever gave you back because we are breaking up, I am also not one of those girls that's gonna un-give my friendship. Or my love.

It was a gift.

** I cannot help but define speculation as the application of a speculum... sorry. I'm twisted.


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