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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Female Genitalia & YOU

Hello My Blog Monkeys! Don't ask "Why?". I have no idea. I just felt the need to lay this all out for you and so here goes...

I am truly tired of hearing about vaginas. I don't know, honestly, if this is the chosen word for girly parts because its so lyrical and lovely and easy to pronounce or merely because people are lazy. I mean how hard is it to say vulva? It even starts with a V.

Vulva Vulva Vulva. There it is, kids, get used to it.

Before we go on I will tell you that I am quite pleased that folks are at least trying to get their kids to use the right words and not bizarre nic-names and euphamisms. My mother-in-law explained to her youngest son (5 at the time) about birth when I was pregnant with #2 by telling him all about a "special hole". Special Hole! Poor boy. He's in junior high now. Getting interested in girls and their special holes... Wonder if he'll find a girl who was also schooled in the special hole nomenclature? Or will he get a girl who thinks of vagina? Or, for god's sake, Pee-Pee or (As one little girl I know was told to call it) Po-Po.

Its funny really. Can you see it? Prom night, making out, whispers in her ear "Oh, Suzie, I just really want to touch your special hole." That'll operate as birth control, if nothing else. Maybe it's a good thing.

So, friends, here's the low down. The vagina is only the inside part! Referring to the entire female genitalia as the vagina is like calling your car the bucket seats. It's got a bit right but missed the mark on the whole.

Starting on the outside you have the mons (mons venus or, guys should love this!, mound of love). This is the part covered by pubic hair where the abdomen ends and the girly parts begin, characterized by a pad of fat over the pubic bone. This is technically genitalia, although the least interesting bit. Moving down and around you get the clitoris, the urethral os, the vaginal opening, the perineum and then the anus. Around all of that (well not the anus but you know what I mean) is labia, majora (on the outside) and minora (on the inside). All of this together is the vulva. Inside the vagina is either the hymen (Usually gone pretty early even without penetration of any sort) and left behind the hyminal ridge. The vagina is the inside part, really not all that interesting compared with the other stuff, and way in the back there is the cervix. The cervix is really part of the uterus, but its fun to add it in cause its in the vagina which we all love so much. That's it. The whole kanoodle.

Now, I would prefer if we called the whole thing vulva. It's correct. It's not too technical for little girls and boys. It uses that fun letter Vee. Can we give this a shot?

As for intimate discussions with your lover you can name it Sally for all I care.

This has been "Fun With Words and Phrases Pertaining to Genitalia" ~ I'm Bad Penny

6 Comments:

Blogger -Evolved_Classic said...

What?! No cute little photos and diagrams?

WeirdestrantIeverreadnessism

11:08 AM  
Blogger Pusillanimous Wanker said...

Bad, Weirdest, bad.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Bad Penny said...

What is so bad about it? Did I get the terms wrong? Misspell something?? Does misspell need an extra S in it to make it phonetically more correct? Missspell? No, that's not right. Maybe a hyphen! That's the ticket!! Miss-spell. NO. DAMN IT. Where did I go wrong? P.S. THAT was a pointless rant. Genital rants are always relevant. and fun. Don't forget fun...

12:32 PM  
Blogger your girlfriend said...

yes, but what would be a 'nice' or sexy word for vulva? Because pussy and cunt just don't sit well with me. Neither does calling it vulva...too sex ed.

5:57 AM  
Blogger jax said...

that was informative! thanks!

8:04 AM  
Blogger Bad Penny said...

A "Nice" word, eh? I take it you don’t like Sally. What's wrong with vulva? Too sex-ed for the bed room. In order to select a good word you have to have a context. A good general, for me, is girly parts. BUT, can you imagine saying that with out giggling? To a lover? You know what, I don’t think there is a good word that isn’t either silly or far too dirty. If you're a dirty girl then you can take the dirty words but if not then you're SOL. I think we oughta just go with Sally. This will work for everyone who is not related to a Sally (can you imagine? Dating a guy whose Mom is named Sally and then saying it to him in a naked moment and totally shriveling his interest in you!?!) Aw, crap! This is a far bigger problem than it seemed at first blush... I'll have to think on it a bit.

This has been not quite an answer ~ I'm Bad Penny

6:49 PM  

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