Ten Things I Have to SAY to Those I Live With
(& Scoot Who Comes and Goes at Will)
1. I know that you leave all those dishes for me to wash because having my hands plunged into hot soapy water 5 times a day is what keeps the flu away! Your great love for me grants me this favor. However, I LOVE you all too and wish to share the gift. Do some dishes, it's my pleasure to endow you with some of the disease fighting properties of manual labor.
2. The floor is not a trash can. Magic faeries do not come in the night to collect your crayon bits and snotty Kleen-exs, dried up play doh, dropped noodles, crushed cheese-its, beads, leaves, pebbles and dead bug collections, paper clippings and candy wrappers, ends of granola bars or the parts you clip off the go-gurt tubes.
3. The stainless flatware, that you find clean and placed neatly in the drawer, is not self replicating. In fact, it is rather expensive to replace. Every time you throw a piece away a puppy dies.
4. Shutting doors and windows, wearing long sleeves and socks and not eating popsicles are all better ways of feeling warmer than turning the thermostat to 90.
5. The mere fact that I gave birth to you does not mean that I want you in the bathroom while I pee.
6. YES! There is weather outside and BOY! it is interesting.
7. I did put us on the "New Pet Waiting List" but they wont give us one until all the poop from the ones we have now has been cleaned up properly.
8. Proper Potty order is remove pants, pee, wipe, flush, wash. For those of you that flush first - WRONG. For those of you that fail to flush at all - WRONG. For those of you that hate the flushing mishaps of others - Complaining to me will not fix anything, just flush for a friend and get over it.
9. The refrigerator is not a magic portal to the land of neverending butter and stuff. Once you eat all of a thing it is gone until you buy some more. Yes buy. As in go to the store and exchange for money. Try it! It's fun.
10. I was just a girl before I was mommy. And soon I'll be granny, as well. But in the end I'll be just a girl again. It's not a statement about you, its just how it turns out. Ultimately we are all alone and life is just a trip to a place where we finally realize that and then die.
2. The floor is not a trash can. Magic faeries do not come in the night to collect your crayon bits and snotty Kleen-exs, dried up play doh, dropped noodles, crushed cheese-its, beads, leaves, pebbles and dead bug collections, paper clippings and candy wrappers, ends of granola bars or the parts you clip off the go-gurt tubes.
3. The stainless flatware, that you find clean and placed neatly in the drawer, is not self replicating. In fact, it is rather expensive to replace. Every time you throw a piece away a puppy dies.
4. Shutting doors and windows, wearing long sleeves and socks and not eating popsicles are all better ways of feeling warmer than turning the thermostat to 90.
5. The mere fact that I gave birth to you does not mean that I want you in the bathroom while I pee.
6. YES! There is weather outside and BOY! it is interesting.
7. I did put us on the "New Pet Waiting List" but they wont give us one until all the poop from the ones we have now has been cleaned up properly.
8. Proper Potty order is remove pants, pee, wipe, flush, wash. For those of you that flush first - WRONG. For those of you that fail to flush at all - WRONG. For those of you that hate the flushing mishaps of others - Complaining to me will not fix anything, just flush for a friend and get over it.
9. The refrigerator is not a magic portal to the land of neverending butter and stuff. Once you eat all of a thing it is gone until you buy some more. Yes buy. As in go to the store and exchange for money. Try it! It's fun.
10. I was just a girl before I was mommy. And soon I'll be granny, as well. But in the end I'll be just a girl again. It's not a statement about you, its just how it turns out. Ultimately we are all alone and life is just a trip to a place where we finally realize that and then die.
posted by Bad Penny at 4:21 PM
4 Comments:
I should be dead any time now.....
oh my ever freaking!! you are so right on here!!
makes me wonder if your my alter twin in another universe.
thank you for putting into words so humorously what i have been trying to get across to my own hoard.
I think you're channeling my mother ... which is a bit scary. ;)
-G
A monk came to Chao-Chou and asked "what is the meaning of Zen?"
The Master replied "have you eaten your breakfast?"
"yes" said the monk "I have eaten"
"then wash your bowl" said Chao-Chou
At that instant the monk was enlightened.
Zen and the Art of Housework.
Don't deny enlightenment to your kids and lover.
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